Do You Believe in Soulmates? with Damona Hoffman | Cocktails & Convos
We're so excited to share this bonus episode with you today because it's a fun one all about dating and relationships! We sat down to chat with Damona Hoffman, a Dating & Relationship Coach, and we learned all about the world of online dating and the 4 elements of a strong, long-lasting relationship. Listen in as we share some of our truths, hit on a deep-seated cultural issue, and discuss whether or not soulmates exist. We loved Damona's perspective on all of it and we think you're going to love it too.
Check out the interview below and keep scrolling for our top takeaways from this episode.
WATCH HERE:
LISTEN HERE:
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Damona has been a Dating & Relationship Coach for about 15 years (after meeting her husband online).
People would come to her and say that they had tried online dating and it didn't really work or they thought online dating was just for nerds.
Damona originally started out as a Dating Profile Writer but found that people needed more support as they were going through the process of getting to know someone and forming a relationship and ultimately building a life together.
Although her Dates & Mates podcast is about dating AND relationships, Damona officially works with people from pre-date to pre-marriage because that's really the foundational period where you set-up the important elements.
There are 4 elements of a strong, long-lasting relationship:
The first is trust and it's set-up at the beginning of the relationship. If trust is broken further into the relationship, it's really hard to fix.
Communication and conflict resolution is another, but if you and your partner are willing to get help and to work with a therapist, coach or counselor, it can be improved throughout the relationship. However, it requires both people being willing to do the work.
Shared values is element number 3.
And the fourth is common goals for the future. This is one that a lot of people push aside, but you have to be on the same page and have some of these awkward conversations. It's important to speak your truth and express what you want and what you feel.
Relationships are about compromise. You have to work to find a middle ground where both of your needs get met. Everybody has to give a little to take a little.
How do you know what you want in a partner and relationship? Damona says you have to plan and do the inner work. She has her clients visualize, meditate, create vision boards, etc. And then she synthesizes it down to figure out what her client's beliefs, core values and most important goals for the future that they need to share. It doesn't matter what they're looking for in terms of height or career status - all of those things don't add up to the kind of person that they'll be blending their life with.
Damona doesn't believe that there is one individual soulmate out there for everyone. Instead, she thinks there are many possible soulmates and not just "the one". Many people get fixated on this idea of "the one" and it keeps them from moving into a relationship or it keeps them in a place of questioning their relationship and whether there is a soulmate out there they may have missed.
Relationships require work, personal development, and communication. Nobody comes to you in the perfect package with the perfect communication skills and you have no problems for the rest of your life - that's just not reality.
The big thing that dating apps have done, which Damona believes is ultimately good, is that they've sped up the dating process and increased opportunities. Damona has helped women in their 70s who hadn't had dates in twenty or thirty years get themselves three dates lined up in one weekend!
Damona helps women realize what they're looking for which allows them to take control of their dating life.
We've seen so many romantic comedies and we think it's just supposed to magically happen and we meet the man and lock eyes and it's just not that way anymore. But it has given way to even more opportunity to find somebody that really fulfills you on a deep level - not your soulmate, but somebody you can really build a life with.
What can we do as moms to help our kids through the dating process? Damona says that as a mom, all she can do is help her daughter have self-respect and to develop boundaries and enforce them, but also trust that her daughter is going to make good decisions while knowing that sometimes she's going to make bad ones, and hope she's given her daughter enough knowledge that she'll be okay either way.
No experience is wasted. We learn through each relationship and each interaction that we have.
MORE ABOUT DAMONA HOFFMAN:
Damona Hoffman is a certified dating coach, radio host, and TV personality. She hosts the Dates & Mates with Damona Hoffman Radio Show & Podcast, plus she is the Love Expert for BET.com and has made hundreds of media appearances on NBC, Fox, Animal Planet, SiriusXM, Woman’s Day Magazine, Essence Magazine, People Magazine and more.
Listen to the Dates & Mates podcast here.
Check out her amazing content on Instagram.
Follow her on Facebook.
And find out more at damonahoffman.com.