The Real, Raw & Imperfect with Jana Kramer
We sat down (virtually) with actress, singer, and entrepreneur Jana Kramer and talked about marriage, overcoming infidelity, and life during these unsettling times. Jana's openness and vulnerability is so rare and we admire and respect the way she speaks out about such difficult topics. Listen below and scroll down for key takeaways from our conversation.
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KEY TAKEAWAYS
Setting boundaries is key to being transparent about your life. Sharing a scar is better than sharing a wound. Make sure to give yourself time to heal from and understand issues before discussing them openly with others.
Jana's podcast, Whine Down, acts as a mirror and helps her to be introspective about her marriage but even if you don't have the same advantage of listening back to conversations with your spouse, you can still reflect on your behavior.
Marriages are works in progress. None of us are perfect and have it all figured out. We mess up but then get up again and try to do better each time.
How do you push through a betrayal like infidelity? It's not as as cut and dry as you'd think. Everyone has their reasons for leaving or staying in the trenches to fight. In Jana's case, she had a four-month-old daughter and knew she wasn't ready to walk away without trying to save the marriage.
As for knowing when enough is enough, Jana says, "You'll just know. You'll know when you're done and can't do anymore."
Jana and her husband, Michael, have openly shared his struggle with sex addiction. One of the biggest hurdles is that sex addiction isn't as socially acceptable as alcoholism or drug addiction (but just as real.) It's often thought of as an excuse for "men being men," but Jana points out men and women who battle sex addiction run into the arms of another person to deal with their pain rather than alcohol or another medium. There's a big umbrella for SA that includes pornography, masturbation, etc.
Overcoming infidelity isn't impossible but it's hard. In fact, in the beginning it's hell. For the first two years after her husband's infidelity, Jana felt very insecure and went out of her way to make herself into something she wasn't, wearing padded bras and dressing provocatively. She believed he'd slept with others because she wasn't pretty, curvy, or sexual enough. It takes a while to realize what your spouse has done isn't about you but about them and their issues.
With respect to forgiveness, you can't punish someone for the rest of their lives.
No matter what issues your marriage faces, you have to fight the fight together.
Most couples have a lot of love between them, they just need to learn how to fight better and communicate clearly.
The saying, "the grass isn't greener" is true. Leaving your spouse for someone else won't necessarily bring you someone better. It'll be a different person with different issues. Sharing your life with someone is hard, no matter who it is.
While Jana says she and her mom are best friends, she admits she wishes her mom hadn't stayed so long in her marriage to her father (who cheated on Jana's mom.) Jana says it took her mom too long to figure out her dad wasn't willing to fight and the marriage couldn't be saved. She wishes her parents had divorced before she was thirteen.
While Jana is a homebody and loves being a mom, she stresses that being home all the time deprives her of the opportunity to miss her children and her husband. She's a better mom when she returns after being away. (Girl, we hear you!)
MORE ABOUT JANA KRAMER:
Jana Rae Kramer is an American country music singer and actress. She's best known for her role as Alex Dupre on the television series, One Tree Hill. Jana began her musical career in 2012 and has released two albums: Jana Kramer and Thirty One. She and her husband, Michael Caussin co-host the Whine Down podcast where they explore the raw and real moments of their marriage–what it means to love, to fight, and to sincerely forgive–with spiritual guidance and practical advice for anyone seeking stronger, more fulfilling love. Their book, The Good Fight releases in September. Jana and Michael live in Nashville with their two children.
Follow Jana on Instagram for a glimpse into the life of this momma of two.
Listen to her Whine Down podcast
Pre-Order Jana and Michael's book, The Good Fight
Did you know Jana is also co-founder of Moms + Babes quarterly subscription box? She and her friend set out to offer high-quality, premium products for both moms and their kids–a great gift any new mom would love.