PODCAST: Living the Confidence Code with Claire Shipman & JillEllyn Riley
We sat down with Claire Shipman & JillEllyn Riley, two of the authors of The Confidence Code for Girls, to talk about confidence in girls and how it drops when they become tweens and teens. We also find out why this isn’t as common in boys and we learn about what we can do as parents to help them build their confidence back up (before they hit 50)!
We’ve shared this book with our community in the past because it literally changed our lives, and we’re excited to be bringing you this conversation today because we think it will help so many women and moms. Listen in for tools and take-homes that you can apply right away which will have a positive impact!
And check out all of the books in this amazing series at confidencecodegirls.com.
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Q&A SESSION:
Why did you write the book The Confidence Code for Girls?
Claire explains that they decided to get into it when they realized from their research that girls’ confidence starts to plummet between the ages of 8 and 12 (as much as a 30% drop). Tune in at the 1 min. mark to find out why they wanted to write The Confidence Code for Girls to try and give girls some skills early on so that they can at least avoid such a big drop in confidence and focus on what builds confidence instead.
So often people tell girls and women to “be confident” but how can we just turn on a switch to think that we’re good enough and gain the confidence to go out and do something? How do we make it happen?!
Claire says that people telling you to be confident doesn’t actually work and, in fact, it can backfire. What was really interesting to them in understanding confidence is that the only way you build it is by doing hard things. So you have to start this process of risk-taking and doing really scary things and screwing up and failing and working through that, and the more you do that, the more you stockpile confidence. Listen in at the 4 min. mark for more on this.
When parents shower their kid with compliments and push them forward to keep doing the things they’re good at, they think that it will help build their child’s confidence but that isn’t actually the case?
It’s actually counterintuitive for parents to understand this. We want to help our kids out and make things easier for them, and we don’t want to watch them struggle or suffer at all. But we shouldn’t always be jumping in to fix things for them, because allowing our kids to go through their own struggles and come out on the other side will actually help build their confidence and teach them something. Tune in at the 7 min. mark for more!
What percentage of 8-year-olds begin to lose their confidence? Is there a direct reason why they’re losing it? And why is it more girls than boys?
Almost all girls have a confidence drop, so it’s really a matter of how much. For many girls, the drop is as big as 30%. There is a lot of science behind the different kinds of confidence levels that often exist in men and women and a lot of it has to do with testosterone and estrogen. Tune in for more about this difference at the 9 min. mark and the impact it has on our willingness to take risks.
Are parents to blame for having lower expectations for our boys than our girls?
What happens is there is a natural propensity to encourage our girls to continue to be good because we’re better at it. Check out the 11 min. mark for more!
At what point do girls begin to gain the confidence back in risk-taking? When can they recover that 30% drop through taking risks and failing?
It can take a lifetime. Women, especially at work, tend to have less confidence than men. Claire & JillEllyn found through some of the surveys they did with grown women was that a lot women come into more confidence around the age of 50. But it depends on your attitude toward risk-taking. Listen in at the 14 min. mark for more on this and how girls and women can start re-building their confidence earlier in life.
Who would make a good role model for our daughters?
JillEllyn explains that if our daughters were to follow 3-5 girls or women on social media doing anything cool that they are interested in (it could be skateboarding or Nobel Prize-winning science), it will expand their mindset in ways you can’t imagine. Listen in at the 17 min. mark for more!
As moms, how can we back off so that we’re not rescuing our kids? Because we assume that rescuing leads to them not being confident and not believing in themselves. So what are some of the things we can say to them when they’re down?
Some of the most useful things are to turn their failures and achievements from the past into a story for them and help them connect the dots. Tune in at the 22 min. mark for a perfect example of this and some more super helpful pieces of advice.
Are their low confidence markers? How do we know when our child has low confidence?
There can be days where it’s more low self-esteem. Claire says the things to look for, in terms of low confidence, have to do with never really being willing to try something new or outside of her comfort zone. Listen in at the 31 min. mark for more signs to look for.
MORE ABOUT CLAIRE SHIPMAN & JILLELLYN RILEY:
Claire Shipman is a journalist, author, and public speaker. Before turning to writing, Claire spent almost three decades as an award-winning television journalist. For the last 14 years Claire was a regular contributor to Good Morning America and other national broadcasts for ABC News. Before that she served as White House correspondent for NBC News where she regularly reported on presidential policy and politics for NBC Nightly News and TODAY. Prior to that, she worked for CNN for a decade, covering the White House, and was also posted in Moscow for 5 years, covering the fall of the Soviet Union. Claire’s reporting from Moscow helped CNN earn a National Headliners Award, and a coveted Peabody award. She received a DuPont Award and an Emmy Award for coverage of the 1989 Tiananmen Square student uprising, and a DuPont Award for CNN’s coverage of the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing. She graduated from Columbia College and later earned a Master’s degree from the School of International Affairs there. She’s now a member of Columbia’s Board of Trustees. She lives in Washington, DC with her family.
JillEllyn Riley is a writer and editor with extensive experience in crafting and telling stories. She’s worked with bestselling, innovative children’s authors, as well as on nonfiction and fiction for adults. JillEllyn lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her family.
Find out more about the authors and grab a copy of Living the Confidence Code, Living the Confidence Code for Girls and The Confidence Code here. And be sure to follow them on Instagram!