PODCAST: Let's Talk About Sex with Kelly Casperson, MD
We're women... and we have sex... but there is so much we actually don't know about women and sex! So we brought in urologist and female sex expert Kelly Casperson to dive into all the dirty details with us. Tune in as we discuss sexual health, low libido, self-cultivation, sexual desire discrepancy and SO MUCH MORE. Kelly is changing the conversation about women and their sexuality, and her hard facts and helpful advice in this episode are so important for people to hear and understand. In just 40 minutes, she blew our minds and we have a feeling she's going to blow a lot of pants off too 😜
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Q&A SESSION:
You say in your bio that you had a life-changing patient that changed the way you do everything. We’ve got to know how one woman’s story had such an effect on you!
Kelly admits that she knew nothing. She went to college, med school and then did a surgical residency in the pelvis and she didn’t know the facts about women and sex. She spent 15 years in the pelvis and was still in the dark! To hear about the experience that made her want to learn everything she could about female sexual wellness, tune in at the 1 min. mark.
The general population of moms and women find it so hard to have sex. Why do we all feel this way? Why is it so difficult for us to get there and want it?
Society tells us that we should want sex all the time, but Kelly says it’s just not the way our brains work. These expectations that society puts on women (that we’re supposed to act like 18-year-old boys when it comes to sex) make us feel broken and like there is something wrong with us because we don’t act that way. And on top of that, women’s brains aren’t designed to spontaneously seek out sex. Spontaneous desire goes away in long-term, monogamous relationships because the novelty is gone, and in general, women get bored. Listen in at the 3.45 min. mark to hear more!!
How do we bring back the desire and ignite our vagina?
Kelly offers two suggestions. Now that she knows a lot more about this topic, her first piece of advice is to just f*ck desire. You don’t actually need it to have awesome sex. Check out the 5.51 min. mark for more on this!
Why is sex supposedly such an important and good part of your life? What are the benefits for us?
Kelly explains that sex keeps the pelvis healthy and the more sexually active you are, the healthier your vagina is in staying sexually active. It also helps you sleep! Sex is amazing for sleep. Listen in at the 10.03 min. mark for more benefits.
Do a lot of women orgasm?
Kelly says there is fascinating data around this. If you look at homosexual couples vs. heterosexual couples, heterosexual females have the least amount of orgasms (by a long shot). Only 20% of women have orgasms with vaginal penetration. Listen in at the 13.21 min. mark for more on this.
What about women who had a high libido but are now on antidepressants or other medications. Can that effect their libido and what should they do?
The answer is yes - antidepressants puts a damper on sex drive, and some medications make it harder to have an orgasm. Kelly offers advice at the 14.40 min. mark on how to increase libido.
Are hormones at play in this?
Yes & no. Kelly would love for it to be cut and dry, but it’s not. Sex is so much more than just hormones, but testosterone really is that hormone for women which ignites that spontaneous desire or interest in sex. Listen in at the 16.36 min. mark for more!
Let’s just say I’m a mom of two kids (ages 8 & 10 years old) who hasn’t had sex in a year. I love my husband but don’t even know where to start. What should I do?!
Kelly suggests recognizing where you are and giving yourself grace. But in order to get to a place where you want to be with your sex life, know that you’re going to have to take some time to focus on yourself and take time to bring pleasure back into your life. Listen in at the 18 min. mark for her advice.
Do you suggest starting with masturbation?
Kelly likes the word “self-cultivation” instead. Masturbation is a word that’s loaded with shame. Self-cultivation and knowing what makes you have an orgasm, what feels good, what doesn’t feel good, how long does it take, etc. is important. Women are often successful at having orgasms when masturbating, but when you put them with a male partner, it all goes out the window and they can’t have an orgasm anymore. Listen in at the 21.33 min. mark for more!
You don’t have an orgasm from penis in vagina? What about the G-spot?
The vagina is not our sexual organ. The clitoris is our sexual organ. The G-spot is technically the clitoral urethral complex. It’s not a thing. It’s a region that feels good because it stimulates the clitoris. You’re definitely going to want to tune in at the 24.42 min. mark for this mind-blowing lesson!
Squirting - is it a real thing?!
Kelly says that people get very opinionated about squirting. But sex is supposed to be messy and that’s okay. There are little glands around the urethra that do excrete something with orgasm that’s very similar to male’s ejaculation. But this big volume squirting that you see online tends to not be related with orgasm in the way that an ejaculation is. It’s a very specific upward pressure on the vagina and it can be done whenever, so a lot of people think it’s urine. Kelly’s a surgeon so she has some insight on this which she shares with us at the 26.46 min. mark.
Is it natural that your desire wears off over time when you’re in a long-term relationship?
Kelly explains that between 6 months to two years into a relationship is when that dopamine, newness and curiosity is all gone. At two years in, you enter that long-term relationship where you lose all the mystery. And desire comes from mystery, curiosity, uniqueness, so it’s totally normal to lose it over time. But desire is often the thought that we have in our brain, so you can actually work on cultivating desire. Listen in at the 28.29 min. mark for more on how to do this!
What about men who have low libido? There are women listening who have that desire and feel like something is wrong with them because their partner isn’t interested in having sex with them.
Kelly agrees and say we shame men too! We’re just as harsh to men as we are towards women. There is a stereotype that men should just be on all the time and that high libido defines manhood. Listen in for more on this at the 33.48 min. mark.
MORE ABOUT KELLY CASPERSON:
Dr. Casperson is a urologist interested in the power of the mind and science to change our views of sexuality. After many years in practice she had a life changing patient that made her curious to learn everything she could about female sexual wellness.
This inspired her to create a podcast You Are Not Broken.
From that she has created online courses teaching women the fundamentals of their anatomy and physiology, discussing their limiting beliefs, and normalizing their normal female sexual function, to empower them to live their best love lives.
Through pursuit of certification through the Life Coach School, she now combines her medical knowledge with mind-work to help women with surgical precision.
Find her at kellycaspersonmd.com and follow along on Instagram.